| Trippy thoughts |
[06 Nov 2006|05:43am] |
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The world fades in to black. Thoughts of gray and white.
Colours appear normal yet they don't have the same colour
they once had. The sky seems to cry out some body elses name
and you wonder where did my name go? Who was that person
that once cried out my name? And where did they go that
life seemed so perfect? She stands over the edge of the
world some where between a dagger and the egde of a knife.
Seems like the same thing both blades are different and
which one should she choose if any of them at all? Like
walking on a fine line of insanity and perfection. Nothing
makes any sense and she cries to her beloved sky in hopes
of comfort because kissing the moon no longer feels safe
and through the looking glass of stars she touches the soft
reflective glass pressing her hand though to find herself
on the other side of reality, and its not where she wants
to be, but the other sides more trippy then the first time
she took acid and saw a thousand sparkling lights that
float in her imagination over and over again. Even now she
wakes to little sparkles in her eyes but when the daylight
hits her face the lights go out and she is not herself
anymore because she remembers what the night was like. Shes
never her self only when her thoughts come out on
scribbling paper is she real. She says "I just want to be
real." Shes like a cartoon, a painted image of her past, a
porcilean doll on a petistal beautiful and perfect but she
was never really there, she wasn't real to begin with.
Colours seem to go through her swirling together but they
don't have any meaning.Theres dragons of pencil etechings
floating along in her head and they have horns of all
shapes and sizes none that have ever been seen to the eyes
of the world. God gave her a gift of trippy and magnetic
thoughts and images she can't even begin to explain or
paint on the canvass. Their dying to come out she sees them
every night and waits for the morning to erase all beauty
as the sun burns her eyes so that she might forget her
memory of them. Not that she wants to. But the moon clouds
her mind and waits for him to call her by some one elses
name other then failer. Inside is a world waiting to be
discovered, Blue trees with white leaves and purple flowers
alined in a row going down a narrow path where white little
mock orange flowers have fallen and in the distance is a
house made of wood with ivy growing alone the walls its
old and musty but thats how she likes it, she pushes the
door open and some times there a man waiting for her on the
other side more beautiful then anything shes seen. Holding
out is hand to take her for a ride. Other times its another
mirror shes walks through into another world and every time
she see her reflection but shes not the same in every image
of her self, Theres to much of her to be the same thing
everytime, shes more then just the image everyone sees, shes
tries to show them with her hair or how she dresses some
times through words but they never make any sense and so
the thoughts come out like mumbled confusions each
contradicting the other and broken sentences of fragmented
ideas. Because she thinks in pictures and sees the image
before she sees the words. Fragments, fragmentations ,
always broken ideas. Never seeming to go any where but into
one brain and out the other, or maybe their meant for a
different person, but even in that thought she realizes she
still prefferes cocoanuts.
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| meh Idonno |
[28 Aug 2005|06:48pm] |
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Well I haven't written in here for awhile so i'm going to update some things.
Hum where to begin. Well I guess with work I have been an assistant manager for almost a year now, I am also an Accessory Manager( I'm in charge of five girls to put out earings and necklaces...yey). As well as being a regular manager. I'm trying to get promoted, we'll see how that goes. I no longer have black hair. In fact its been red for I think a year and a half. Except its now done to my butt and has neon orange, yellow orange, blonde, and burgandy extentions in. Which I learned to do myself. I'm going to be 22 soon ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Thats crazy. Years are going by too fast, I'll tell ya.
I'm now a Christain. Many of you that knew me from the past are probibily wondering how in the hell that happend. Well let me tell you, it all started with a crazy guy named Chris. Hehe Love you hunny. Any way I've been Christain for almost 7 months now and honestly it has saved my life litterly. I have never been more happier in my whole life. I have quit smoking for about 5 months well five months and one week on wednesday. Hum i'm now losing train of thought, oh I am very much happily taken. I think thats it, for now Idonno. I'm really loopy I haven't slept yet, atleast from last night any way talk to you later folks byeeeeeeeee.
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| user token |
[28 Aug 2005|05:49pm] |
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whats a user token and can I change my name with out paying for it? cuz honestly I don't think a person should pay to change their user name. But any way, thats all for now.
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| question????? |
[16 Jun 2005|02:11am] |
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mood |
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music |
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movie: Clueless(shhh I know I know |
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how does one change their journal screen name with out get another journal? If it can be done? I'd like to know.
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| my trip to virgina |
[09 Aug 2004|07:06pm] |
Music:Lord of the Rings soundtrack, 16th of May'04
I arrived at 8pm carring my belongings and my mind soaring with thoughts. I waited for you out in front of the airport. I was nervous, my hands shaking, anticipating whats to come next. We had not met but I knew your face. And when you came towards me I sprang from my position to excited to sit still. You bowed to me extending your hand, instead I ran to your arms , to excited for formal greetings. Two years we had been waiting, two years of only our voices to comfort us.I stayed in your arms to noticed you were nervous too. You smiled, kissed my hair and said your happy to see me.
We sat in the back seat of the car, heads resting on each others shoulders, and the wind in our face. You couldn't stop kissing my hand and holding me to you. I leaned in and we had our first kiss. You wanted another one and we did it again. We talked brifly of my trip on the plane. But over all we were fine not saying a word in each others arms.
We arrived at your apartment and you seemed so pleased that it stayed clean and your roomates didn't destroy it. I remained quite, anticipation and nervousness was abound me, what could I do, you were so beautiful. You looked different then in your photo, yet I knew it was still you and I repsected that the 2d image would appear different in life.
We stood out on your belcony having a ciggerette, I looked out at the mountains and remembered my excitement on the plane when I saw them. We don't have mountains where I live.
We talked in your room laughing and playing like little kids, you holding me in your arms and found where I'm ticklish. I couldn't stop smiling.We made a pizza and smoked more ciggerettes. You made me a drink and we talked in our joy of ideas and memories. I remember your touch and your hair on my skin. I remember the feeling and the joy I was in. Entangled in each others arms and legs wrapped around you made love to me and I saw that you cared. I felt beautiful and you found my soul.
I awoke to sweat stained sheets, and the sun pouring into your room, and you laying next me and realized all this happend in one night. 4 days of pleasure, 4 days of fun.
Day 2 you took me into town and I realized that everyones a hippie and all their stores are of that nature. You bought me a skirt and we couldn't stop kissing. I took your picture and you took mine.The heat poured into us and passion is sometimes to strong for words.
Friday you took me to a magic place, a circle of trees and stones like anchient ruins forgotten and hidden, and we felt the spirites within. We rode in the car and the sent of ciggerettes and insense surrounded us with the wind on our face. And I felt how perfect this is . I wish everyday could be like this.
Saturday we finished my roll of film and you took me out to eat, we ate italian and you were skiddish of the calamari. Later that night we got drunk and talked about all things magical and the worlds we're from. I ran out of smokes and demanded that we go find more. We stood up and began to play fight, you laughed at me trying and I said I was drunk, you laughed some more and said it was cute,yet you were worried if I could make it to the gorcerie store. The night continued in cheers, laugher and joy.
We lay silent together the moon in our eyes. Sweat still attached to us after hours of love.By now we weren't so modest, we lay naked falling asleep and I said I wanted to tell you something, but I'm scared of saying it. You told me to anyway. " I love you" you held me close and said "I love you too."
We stood together at the gate looking at each other not leting go of the other. "I have to go" I said "I don't want you to go" "me niether. " We kissed and held on still not letting go. Finaly we knew it was time. I turned around reached my stuff "I love you" "I love you too" you kissed my hand and I was gone. I walked through security feeling you still behind me, watching me leave. I couldn't look back the pain hurt too much I wanted to stay. I sat on the plane watching as your world strank in the distance. I watched the mountains disend over hills and vallies and I knew you were somewhere amoung them.
I'll remember the heat and the sweat, I'll remember the trees and the wind on my face, I"ll remember the sent of ciggerettes on the belcony over looking the mountains and the taste of chartrueuse in my mouth. I'll remember sleeping and your body with mine, I'll remember the magic place and our talks. But mostly I'll remember you, you'll see me again.
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| fucking valintines day!!!! |
[12 Feb 2004|01:32am] |
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Nic if you read the last entry its not an angery poem, just metaphoric details of our relationship, what i'm feeling whats going on , cuz hunny I don't hate you, i'm just frustrated and I hate valintines day, I think the person who descided to create valintines day as a comerical holiday made it to rub in the faces of those who don't have some one, I mean why should love be celibrated on one day it should be everyday, whenever you want, whenever your inlove.
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| To my Dear Nic |
[12 Feb 2004|01:19am] |
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Shes lying on broken wings, fading into broken images,falling into something so real. Fix me up my broken dolly, fix me up my ducktape girl, fix me up cigerrette smile. It all goes from here. Shes crying on feathered hair,technocoloured rainbow dreams. Fix me up shattered glass, fix me up game boy geek, fix me up hollow shell. It all comes down to this. Shes bleeding caffiene sleep, retail queen, shes singing painted tears, scribbled fears. Fix me up rose petal lips, fix me up spiky hairs, fix me up usless straped up cares. It all went down from there.
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[30 Jan 2004|04:19am] |
awesome.
Weapons are not your thing. You would prefer to
pummel your opponent to death with your fists
and feet. You show a lot of Honor but some
power still eludes you. I can give you this
power, I can make you stronger, join me.
How would you Murder?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[30 Jan 2004|04:08am] |
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ok what the fuck I try the test like three more times and changed my answers to some of the other answers that apply to me and some how I still have game boy girl. I don't even like video games or punk music,except for the ramones and sex pistols they rock.
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| doing funny test late at night |
[30 Jan 2004|03:57am] |
ok so some how i got this test doesn't seem like me but ok lets try this again.
A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of
sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have
your electronics you feel you can cope. Time
goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room
hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your
favourite collection of guitar-driven albums.
Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour,
individuality.
Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life,
action-freak spirit, reclusive nature.
Your Personality type is the only type that would
like this cool Vampire Game:
www.life-blood.vze.com
What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| new test |
[30 Jan 2004|03:33am] |
what mythological creature are you? somw how I got Gargoyle though everyone I knows I'm more Elvin/Vampyric...weird Idonno.
You are Form 4, Gargoyle: The Fallen.
"And The Gargoyle mended his wings from the
blood of the fallen so he could rise up from
imprisonment. With great speed and
resourcefulness, Gargoyle made the world his
for the taking."
Some examples of the Gargoyle Form are Daedalus
(Greek) and Mary Magdalene (Christian).
The Gargoyle is associated with the concept of
success, the number 4, and the element of wood.
His sign is the new moon.
As a member of Form 4, you are a creative and
resourceful individual. You are always
thinking of possible solutions to problems you
face and you generally choose one that is
right. Much of your success comes from your
ability to look at things a little differently
than everyone else. Gargoyles are the best
friends to have because they don't always take
things for face value.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| meh |
[11 Sep 2003|08:48pm] |
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ok yeah alot has happened sense then well I have a job at forever 21 clothing store at mall of america and hum Nic bought a kitty i helped him pick it out shes so cute he named her Cornpuff the Wrath of God yeah ok nic is a geek but yeah.anyway yeah thats my life. pretty much yep. ok I'll write later.
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| ooorah!!!!!! |
[19 Aug 2003|12:47pm] |
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Things in my life are just getting better and better. So I woke up this morning thinking I'm going to go to an interveiw. Which turns out I would have the job if my references pull through. Hope they do. And my boyfriend and I got back together last night so thats cool. And so when I got home and got online I met some who tells me that I'm on goth babe of the week, so I look it up and sure enough I am on goth babe of the week. Which is very cool. Never really thought I would be on there but thats awesome.And I would like to thank Alex for being there and being a cool friend supporting me and keeping my sanity. So I hope his first day at work was also cool. Any way that completes my journal for the day or whatever. Hope the rest of you people are happy and having fun.
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| YEY!!!!!! |
[18 Aug 2003|12:31am] |
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I'm excited I have two interviews.One at Forever 21 clothing store at the mall of america and New York Learners clothing store same place. Hopfully I'll get one of them atleast. I have had a few people helping me but I have to say thanks to Alex for being there and helping me out.And for god sakes keeping modivated. Its a nice feeling to know that your starting to do something in your life. Its not like I haven't had people telling me that I needed a job shit even myself told me that.But no one has had the modivation to keep me going and actully make sure I do it. Most just said "hey you need a job" but they would usually put me down for not having one, instead of making me feel good and say your not worthless you just need direction, you just needed the right apporach. And I'm greatful for that. Any way I should go to bed now so that I can get up and be ready for the interview. Goodnight.
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| don't you like when you find music that sutes your sitituation |
[14 Aug 2003|06:22pm] |
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"shes looking in the mirror shes fixing her hair and I touch my head to make sure it is near, shes humming a melody we learned in grade school, shes happy and I think this is not cool I know the guy shes talking about I have met him before, and I think what is this beautiful beautiful women settling for?,she bends her breath when shes talks to him I can see her features begin to blur,as she pours herself into the mold he made for her,and for everyting he does she has a way to rationalize, she tells me he don't mean what he do, she tells me he called to apolgize, and he says he loves her he says he changing, that he can keep her warm, she sits there like america suffering through slow form , but she'll never get back the time and the years sneak by one by one, she is still playing the marter and I'm still prying for revolution, and she still doesn't have what she deserves but she wakes up smiling everyday, she never really expected more thats not the way we are raised and I say to her "you know theres alot of great men out there" but doesn't hear me shes looking in the mirror shes fixing her hair" Ani Defranco
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| where have all the stars gone? |
[10 Aug 2003|03:56pm] |
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She's scribbling words on crumpled paper, wishing for one last chance. "Love is a dream of many shards of peices that were once put together to make a whole only one is missing" She looks at the poem of her own words trying to find that one hidden meaning. She looks down at the shards of her broken mirror, her shattered vanity, placing them together to make her complete. They fit nicely neatly in place, only one is missing. She looks around her room for the one peice that made her joy. But it wasn't there, she looks and noticed he's gone, if only theres was something she could do to bring him back. She cries at the results in her selfish pain."What have I done?" She thinks to her self "I'll make it right" she recites lyrics to songs that make her feel, realizing they were all just dreams,of something so real.She cries more in saltery tears. "I never ment to make him hate me I never ment to hurt him, for all the things I've done couldn't undo,for all the things I've said but never ment, if only time could go back, I would dream of a love that even time would stay still for." She weaps now not for herself. But for the pain shes caused. She wishes now only for his happiness, for him to be happy, happy with out her. It hits her harder, wishing there was something she could do. Instead she'll cry alone in her guilt, curelled in feital posision looking at the stars whispering in tears only one understands "come back...come back..come back....."
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ankharaneun's journal
